On Air

Why Ain’t You Married?

By Jewel Carter
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Photo Yiannis Kourtoglou/AFP/GettyImages

Photo Yiannis Kourtoglou/AFP/GettyImages

jewelcarter125 Jewel Carter
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Like so many of my blogs, the inspiration for this one came from both a quote I read on someone’s Facebook page and a conversation with my best friend. He and I were sitting around talking the other night and he made a comment about a new girl at his job.  He said:  “I’m beginning to not like her – it’s no wonder she’s 37 and never been married”.

My first reaction is to jump to my sisters’ defense and say “maybe she doesn’t want to be married.  That’s not every woman’s goal in life you know?”  He proceeds to tell me that no, she wants a man and she wants one bad. That you can tell by how she carries herself, her body language and how she talks to other male co-workers compared to how she behaves with female co-workers.  It’s the tone of her voice and the way she gives a certain look (at the guys).

Okay, maybe she is looking, “why do you think she’s still single”? I ask.   He tells me the following story.  Apparently, while at work there was a group of guys, (she was the only female). They were having a discussion about a male co-worker that happens to be married.  This guy just purchased a car and made a comment about how his children are not allowed in this particular vehicle.  He explained that the family had two other modes of transportation, but that this one “his baby”, was off-limits to the children because, well, they are kids and if you’ve got them you probably understand. 

Well,  according to my friend, she went off on a tirade about how wrong that was, and if “she was his wife”, she would take the car while he was at work and put the kids in it and just drive around for the hell of it.  I thought it was funny.  My buddy thought that it was silly, childish and the very reason that so many women can’t find and keep a man.  Huh?  His explanation went further in detail on how a lot of women (his words), think that when you get into a relationship you have to share everything like your bed, food, thoughts, friends and oxygen.  Okay, I added the last one there.  But I get it.  Sometimes when people fall crazy in love, they want to consume themselves with everything about the other person.  Notice that I said “people” because; trust me when I tell you that women are not the only ones that do this.  Anyone know the ratio of male verses female stalkers?

Anyway, his point was… men need to have some space and independence, some things that are theirs and theirs alone.  They need a man room, a hobby, a friend that they don’t have to share something.  See, I get it.  Because women need the same thing…we just don’t bitch and moan as loudly about it.  We do bitch and moan, about other things though.  In all fairness, guys don’t really bitch or moan or even talk about it.  They sulk, get quiet or pick fights as an excuse to get away, instead of just communicating what they need in a way that doesn’t say… “Look b*&%# you’re driving me crazy” – and saying I need some me time sounds to girlie, I suppose.

So, who knows why the 37-year-old woman isn’t married.  Maybe she doesn’t want to settle for a guy that’s not willing to give up everything for her as she is for him.  Perhaps she’s coming across as needy and unwilling to bend or change –set in her ways.   Or maybe my friend can print out this article, slip it on her desk and she can tell him herself. 

Jewel’s Soul Therapy: “Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them”.

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